Can't we just decide this between ourselves?

My mother once asked me if we tip people over here.  After thinking about it, I answered, "Not so much -- unless you count paying something extra in advance."  (And really, is there a big difference?).  The way that one offers a bribe is to motion with your hands between yourself and the other person while saying, "Can't we just decide this between ourselves?" 

Overall, I'd say that I encounter bribery less in Russia than in some of the other countries I've been to. Yes, it exists, but I wouldn't say that it's blatantly rampant. 

The majority of bribes I've seen are in non-Moscow airports (small).  For example, it's often cheaper to pay the clerk to overlook your overweight baggage than to actually pay for it (and it's a lot less hassle and paperwork, but unfortunately, I need the paperwork for reimbursement).  I also once saw a bribe at a security checkpoint.  Frankly, I don't want to know what that was about. When the clerk offers to make the overweight baggage go away for a fee at the counter, it always puts me in an awkward position: I need the paperwork, and ethically, I'd prefer to operate without the bribe.

But I also need the baggage to arrive, and I'm about to tell this person that I'm going to deny her a part of her income that is viewed as a "perquisite" of the job.  A more flexible moralist may consider this sort of thing to be in the same class as an expediting fee, but I can't. 

So here's the question, when I tell the person that I'm not paying the fee, do I really think that my baggage will arrive?  It's a conundrum. 

To help you deal with bribe-situations, I've decided to list what works best from my own experience:
1) act stupid.  No one, not even the most corrupt meanie, is going to lay out that this is a bribe.  If you are REALLY dumb (but remain believable), they'll either give up and let you through or direct you to the proper authorities -- you are somebody else's problem now.
2) try to pay a bribe with a credit card.  Obviously, it's called "money under the table" for a reason and it's not because it's passed under the table (better to put it in your passport, actually)
3) insist that you need paperwork, but will otherwise gladly pay -- once you have the paperwork.  Luckily, here in Russia, there is "The Stamp" that every business required to have and use on official documents.  Most Americans hate The Stamp because it's always locked in a drawer, or you don't have the right one, or whatever.  I turn their own bureaucratic culture on them:  give me The Stamp (and that means go questing for it from The Keeper of The Stamp), and get your money.  Again, they'll be magnanimous and let me pass.  I love The Stamp.
4) cry in public.  (Not recommended for men, and this won't usually work in private).  No man wants to be the man who shook down the American woman AND made her cry.  Chivalry is still very big here, even when asking for money. In fact, it seems that the more chivalrous the culture, the more rampant the bribery (thus Russia scores lower than Central Asian countries, on the whole).  A corollary to this is to act the helpless woman.  I once cried AND acted helpless while praising the local culture, and the man not only stopped trying to get money out of me, but waived down a taxi and negotiated a decent (not inflated-for-foreigners) price.  All for free!

Now to close up this post, I was actually offered my first bribe and second bribe recently (the mistake that they made in thinking that I had some sort of power really made me laugh -- I didn't accept, of course.  But had I accepted, it would have been the worst-spent money EVER).   The way I dealt with the first bribe was strategy number 1, above.  Except, I wasn't acting.  I really didn't get what the guy was offering (he didn't use The Phrase).  The second time, the man said "Can't we just decide this between ourselves?" and my lightbulb went off.  I said, "I don't think you get it.  It IS decided."  I showed him to the door.

And then I thought, "Wow.  When did I become THIS person?"